Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
