This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
