If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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