she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
we're so committed to being not committed
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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