Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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