Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
