I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
