I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
