my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
