Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
