u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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