he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
