you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
