i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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