if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
