Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
4 words: hood of his car
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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