Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
