I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
