alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm at about main and main street
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
