Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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