you mean i was at the winter classic?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
