i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There's always time for handjobs
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
