im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
