I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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