Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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