you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize