I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
