i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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