I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
