The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
