i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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