Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
