a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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