who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
