just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
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