Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
