Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
