so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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