You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
