is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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