Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
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Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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