He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
