Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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