okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
