Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
