totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize