He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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