Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
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I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
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What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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