i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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