Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
two words...techno handjob
Found the puke drawer
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
