hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
