you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
