non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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