that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
