I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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