I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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