I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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