Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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