her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i've created a new STD.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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