I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
