Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
