Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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