She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
