Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
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What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
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Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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