Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
