Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
im on a boat
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