you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
