Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Come on in and take your pants off
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