Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
