what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
