So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
