I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Randomize
