is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
bring money and cleavage
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
