If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
