A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Randomize
