Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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