His apartment number was 69. I had to.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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