so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my sisters under your porch take her home
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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