we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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