Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
